Santa Baby
by DarkRose911
Summary: Anko has sizzling plans for Iruka, but will those plans interfere with His and Shizune's budding relationship? And What is Tsunade plotting to do for Christmas this year?
1. Ch 1 The Debt

WARNING: There will be a lemon in later chapters! This is a guyXguy story. Don't like, don't read. Kakashi X Iruka and Iruka X Shizune will be the main pairings. Angst will happen. -_-

Summary: Anko has sizzling plans for Iruka, but will those plans interfere with his and Shizune's budding relationship? And what is Tsunade plotting for Christmas this year?

Disclaimer: I do NOT own "Naruto" or any of the characters within, otherwise Kakashi and Iruka would already be married and have a lovely penthouse. ^-^

**-Ch. 1-**

**The Debt**

-Iruka-

I growled in frustration as I pondered the futility of my situation for the millionth time that evening. "Grrraaaahhh! Stupid forms….No-one labels them right and the other shifts never put them in the right place." As I was mumbling I saw Shizune, sweet, slight Shizune as she walked across the room on yet another errand for Tsunade. She was beautiful! Even amongst ninjas she was obviously graceful. Her lovely dark hair that, when the sun shined on it just right, turned a warm chocolate color. (Not a flat black like so many believed) Her light footsteps that seemed to glide across the floor rather than walk. Oh yes, I was in love. And each day I praised the gods that she loved me too! (Or at least liked me enough to date me.) We had been dating for 2 weeks, and I was loving every minute of it.

As I came out of my smitten stupor I discovered Kakashi standing in front of my desk holding out what might have once been a mission report. If it was ever that in some past life, it wasn't any longer. It was now a caked together ball of mud, spit, some other refuse I don't care to name, and a sheet of paper. He had been gone a MONTH! One sheet was not enough for a month-long mission! I sighed. "Where is the rest of your mission report, Kakashi?" His eyes crinkled up into an upside-down "u". "Well it's like this," he began. I cut him off before he could begin his newest excuse as to why he had a disgusting piece of nasty for what might've been (many a layer of dirt and grime ago) an actual report.

"Just give it to me Kakashi Sensei." "What a proposition Iruka kun! I may just take you up on that if you wanna call me 'Sensei' like you were a naughty student." He waggled his brows suggestively at me. I began to blush. I scoffed and snatched the paper out of his hand to divert his attention from my reddening face. "I meant your report, you ego-maniacal, self-absorbed…." "Iruka!" I was spun around face to face with a very ticked Shizune. "That is no way to speak to a Jounin! Even if said Jounin is Kakashi." Kakashi squinched up his eyes in what I guessed to be a smirk. "Yeah, Iruka! Don't bad-mouth a Jounin!" Shizune snapped at him, "And you need to learn to take better care of your mission reports! This looks like you wiped it in a pig-sty!" He began on his excuse again. "Well, you see…" "Save it Kakashi!" Shizune an I said. Tsunade poked her head into the missions room. "Ah, Kakashi! I thought I heard your 'excuses' voice. Come into my office, I need to talk to you about your next mission." And with that he winked at me and followed Tsunade back to her office.

I refocused and remembered my original task. "Grrrrr….Another mission Report to catalogue and file away." Shizune looked at me empathetically. "I would stay and help you, Iruka, but Tsunade has me running errands on the 'Big Surprise' she's setting up for Konoha." We glanced at my tower of papers and she stage whispered, "But maybe if you ask nicely ANKO WILL HELP YOU." Anko turned around surprised. "I was just about to leave!" She had her hand on the door and one foot out. "Please, Anko!" I begged, "I would owe you a favor."

She Glanced back at me with a predatory grin on her face. "Ok. As long as you owe me a favor of my choice. No backing down after I ask you to do it." All of a sudden my mouth went very dry and I had to fight to swallow down my fear. "Uh, Anko I don't think - " "Well then I won't do it." She began to walk back out the door. "FINE!" I yelled before she could get away. "I'll do it! Whatever you want! Just please help? I will never be able to finish tonight if you don't help." "Very good." She got a scheming look in her eye that made a bolt of ice run down my spine.

Shizune, oblivious to the underlying tones of mischief, lightly kissed me on the cheek and began to walk out of the missions room. "Bye, Ru Ru. I'll call you if Tsunade is done with me before midnight." "Bye." I said with a dazed smile on my face. Before I could disappear into my daydreams I heard Anko cackling to herself as she filed papers. "Anko….?" I asked cautiously, "Why are you cackling?" "I'm plotting demise, dear boy!" She stated and then hunched back over her tedious work. I turned to my mountain of papers with my half-formed daydreams crushed beneath the dread of what Anko was going to do. Something told me this wasn't going to end well.

* * *

WHOOT! First chapter is done! XD

(You can comment however you like. But ,please, if you give a negative one explain why you don't like it so I can strive to better my story.)

Also, please remember that this is my very first story I've ever posted on fan fiction. (So it may not always be perfect.)


	2. Ch 2 The Outfits

WARNING: There will be a lemon in later chapters! This is a guyXguy story. Don't like, don't read. Kakashi X Iruka and Iruka X Shizune will be the main pairings. Angst will happen. -_-

Summary: Anko has sizzling plans for Iruka, but will those plans interfere with Shizune's budding relationship? And what is Tsunade plotting for Christmas this year?

Disclaimer: I do NOT own "Naruto" or any of the characters within, otherwise Kakashi and Iruka would already be married and have a lovely penthouse. ^-^

-Ch. 2-

The Outfits

* * *

-Kakashi-

* * *

I walked into Tsunade's office expecting a mild scolding for teasing Iruka or maybe even a briefing on a new mission. I was definitely NOT ready for what she said to me. "Kakashi, how are you with young children?" I looked at her boredly. "I didn't think you'd want me as your 'sperm donor' Tsunade. I always thought you had a weakness for a certain toad sage." She didn't look amused. "That's not what I meant Kakashi." "Well then what do you mean?" She looked at me with a smug grin on her face. "I mean I'm going to make you be Santa Clause for Konoha this year." My jaw dropped. "You can't be serious! Surely there's some-one more qualified than me to listen to small children whine about what their parents won't get them? Can't Iruka do it? He's good with children"

She looked at me skeptically. "Why, yes Kakashi. Let's use the already over-worked chuunin on the one day he actually takes off." I winced. "He's only a chuunin; surely he doesn't take his job as seriously as that." She looked at me in disbelief. "If he were any other chuunin he wouldn't, but this is Iruka. Any job you give him he takes seriously, especially if it concerns the well-being of Konoha or its inhabitants." I looked down sheepishly. I should have expected as much from Iruka. "Fine," I said. "but I can't promise I won't –unintentionally- corrupt the young minds." I made my 'n.n' smile and was about to walk away, thinking she would surely stop me after that comment. I started walking around the chairs. I headed toward the door. I was almost at the door, wasn't she going to stop me!

I opened the door. "Oh, Kakashi…?" I turned around trying not to let the relief show on my face. "Yeah?" The concerned look disappeared from her face and was replaced by a more sinister glower. "You are NOT getting out of being Santa for the kiddies, so suck it up and be a good little brat and I may let you keep the suit as a bonus." She stopped to snicker. I shrugged my shoulders. If there was no getting out of it there was no getting out of it. "Maa, Tsunade I don't need a second-hand Santa suit." "Whoever said anything about second-hand? We've never had a Santa at Konoha, Kakashi. I was going to have to buy a new one." "Alright then," I glanced towards the door. "I'll take the ridiculous job." She grinned at me. "Good. You are dismissed Kakashi. I will send for you when I have your suit."

I walked out of the Hokage building and stopped to survey my surroundings. Konoha was such a quaint, little, ninja infested village. I sighed and began my trudge to the memorial stone to share my latest horrors of life with Obito.

* * *

-Iruka-

* * *

I was walking down the streets of Konoha with Shizune's hand in mine. That day was going to be a good day. "Iruka!" That was until Anko had to go and ruin it. "What, Anko? I'm a little busy." She scoffed at me. "Oh, yes. I can see you're so busy with your syrupy puppy love." I rolled my eyes and started grumbling. "Between you and Kakashi I never have a moment's peace." "Come on, Iruka!" and with that she grabbed my hand and drug me away from Shizune. I looked back at Shizune with an apology in my eyes. "I'm sorry Shizune; I guess I'll see you later?" She looked at me and Anko exasperatedly "Bye, Ru Ru. Talk to you later." I glared at Anko. "What's this all about?" She cackled "You're gonna pay up on that favor you owe me." I blanched. "Anko…..what are you planning?" She eyed me appraisingly. "You'll see soon enough Iruka-Kun. You'll see."

She drug me into her apartment. It was a WRECK! "So what is the favor? Clean your house? That's not that big of a deal Anko. You had me thinking it was going to be some big bad thing I had to accomplish. Like the favor I did last time." I shuddered. I had to stand on my mission desk (when I knew there were at LEAST 100 shinobi in the room) and do a strip-tease. Work was awkward for MONTHS. "That's not it at all, Iruka. I thought you would've known me better than that by now." She cast me a side-glance with a sly grin attached. "Then wha-" "Strip Iruka! I've got an outfit that is going to look fucking fabulous on you." "Oh…..great." This request was not a new one for me. Anko was constantly finding ways to get me to try on outfits. I started to take off my vest. Stripping in front of Anko isn't anything new either.

She doesn't let me strip in privacy anymore, not since I slipped out the bathroom window when she wasn't looking. I took off my shirt. Anko was like the annoying older sister I never had. The annoying older sister that wished her parents had had a girl instead of a boy. I took off my pants. "What else do you want, my liege?" I asked sarcastically. "Take off your boxers Iruka. They'll show under the outfit." I rolled my eyes. Okay, maybe not so much older sister as crazy ex-girlfriend/best friend. I took off my boxers and looked at her expectantly. She gave me a devious smile and handed me a lacy, frilly, pale pink, thong.

It was ridiculous. How was I even going to fit all of my 'man-parts' in there? Not that I was hugely big, but that damn pair of 'underwear' was practically nothing but a string. She looked at me evilly and said. "It's either this or you're going commando." I started to grumble. "Ex-girlfriends and their crazy ideas. I don't know why I even…." I got the stupid, lacy thing on. As I suspected my testicles were fighting for space. I grunted in discomfort as one of my…..er…'boys' almost fell out of the thong. "Why is it always girl clothes? Aren't there some equally embarrassing men's clothing, Ones that are better equipped for a guy's body?" She snickered. "But then it wouldn't be half as fun. Besides, you're going to henge into a girl form." "But why?" "Ah, don't get me wrong, I just figured you wouldn't want to be recognized.

Considering what stunt I'm about to make you do." She smiled at me maliciously. "Ok…? What exactly am I going to be doing?" She looked me over appraisingly. "You're not doing anything yet. You don't have anything on but a thong and you're still a boy." I hissed exasperatedly. "Fine!" I poofed into my henge form. It didn't really look that much different from my male visage. I was a little bit shorter, I had small breasts, and slightly wider hips. That was about it. Anko scoffed. "That's all you're going to do? All you did was poof your penis into a vagina. Come on! You won't want to be recognized, REMEMBER? I wanna see a drastic change!" I growled in annoyance. I poofed again. I made myself look as different as I could. I was much taller, I had large breasts (I mean HUGE!), I had a small waist, wide round hips, a strange mix of strawberry-honey-blonde hair, hazel eyes, and my skin was a little bit lighter (not so much creamy coffee and more bronzed sun-bather.) "Is this more what you're looking for Anko?" I asked her.

"Definitely better," She stated. "But why don't you take a couple of pounds off your chest? People might mistake you for the Hokage, and you wouldn't want to get her in trouble now would you?" I sighed again. "Yes, yes." Poof one more time! I was now a more manageable 'DD' rather than my previous 'MMM' size. I mumbled. "You know that was only a joke, there's no way I would walk around with small cars on my chest." She laughed. I looked around the room. "So am I getting a bra and clothes or is this it?" She chuckled and handed me a matching bra to go with the thong. "How did you know I would choose this size?" She shrugged and said. "I didn't. That's the best negligee set I have. It has chakra embedded into it so it resizes itself to its user." I scoffed. "Then why didn't the thong change for me when I still had my…erm…other parts?" I began to blush. She looked at me with a satirical glint in her eye. "Because they weren't built for cross-dressers." Still blushing, I slipped the bra on. "So where's the rest of my outfit?"

"Just follow me." She said as she began walking down the hall to her bedroom. I followed her past the heavy oak door and into the deep russets of her den of a room. She waltzed over to her armoire and began pulling out frill after frill after frill. I looked up at the ceiling pleading with whatever deity would listen to me. "Ahah!" She said as she found the outfit she was looking for. She pulled out a green, velvet elf outfit trimmed in faux white fur. It was a little dress, barely there even, and I had to wear it. It was a deep v-neck (the bottom of the 'v' reached just under my breasts.); the white fur trimmed the neck, the edge of the cap-sleeves, and the bottom of the dress; the bottom hem only reached 5 inches below my groin; and it had red and white, stripey tights and under-shirt to wear under it.

I glanced at her, a look of horror on my face. She grinned at me menacingly. "Oh, and that's not the best part yet." She reached into the armoire and her hand came back out with a pair of thigh high, black, 10 inch heeled monstrosities. My jaw dropped to the floor. "You can NOT be serious." Her eyes twinkled in malicious glee. "Nah, I'll cut off 3 inches for you. I just wanted to see your face." I sighed in gratefulness. 7 inch heels I could handle. 10 inch heels, I would _**DIE**_! She handed the outfit to me. I put it all on without a fight. (After all, if I fought she would think of something worse for me to do.)

She rushed me over to her vanity and pushed me into the chair. She brought out all manner of brushes and powders and metal beauty 'enhancers'. All of them different shapes and colors. "I didn't know you had this much make-up Anko." She glared at the hair-brush she was dragging through my hair. "It's from stupid people trying to get me gifts without knowing me. Apparently since I'm female I only ever think of make-up and finding a 'good husband'." "Oh…." I mumbled uncomfortably. She loosely braided the top half of my wavy locks and started fluffing the baby hairs around my forehead to give the illusion of bangs. She applied a light green shimmery powder on my eye-lid, and then she brushed something glittery on my cheeks and collar-bone. She fumbled around the many boxes of make-up mumbling,

"Now where did I put that…..Ahah! Here it is!" She pressed on some fake eyelashes and pulled a small ink covered brush through them. "I am finished." She finally declared with a smirk. I looked in the mirror. I have never looked so different in my life! "So what am I going to be doing in this get-up?" She got that strange scheming glint in her eye again. "Well you're going to go and sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want for Christmas of course! Oh and of course being the nice person you are you want to give him a gift as well." She handed me a small prepaid cell-phone.

"The number is 672-451-0069. After giving Santa a little lap-dance you're going to give him that number and offer to make his Christmas as 'Merry and White' as he likes it." My mouth fell open. She must be crazy! "You mean sit in the Konoha's Secret Santa's lap? But what if I know him!" She looked through the mirror and showed me her Cheshire cat grin. "You do know him." I blanched. "So...wh-who is he…?" Her grin grew wider. "I wouldn't worry too much about it. After all, he shouldn't be able to recognize you." I tried to swallow my humiliation. This was going to be a long, looooong day.

* * *

Okay, for this chapter I tried to make it longer than the last one.

So I'm going to ask any-one reading this. Should I do the smaller chapters so I update more-often, or do the longer chapters so that you have more to read in one sitting?

Many appreciations and thanks to those who take the time to review. ^-^


	3. Ch 3 The Dance

WARNING: There will be a lemon in later chapters! This is a guyXguy story. Don't like, don't read. Kakashi X Iruka and Iruka X Shizune will be the main pairings. Angst will happen. -_-

Summary: Anko has sizzling plans for Iruka, but will those plans interfere with Shizune's budding relationship? And what is Tsunade plotting for Christmas this year?

Disclaimer: I do NOT own "Naruto" or any of the characters within, otherwise Kakashi and Iruka would already be married and have a lovely penthouse. ^-^

**-Ch. 3-**

The dance

* * *

-Kakashi-

* * *

I hated Christmas. I absolutely hated it. Every-one rushing around like rabid animals, all because they just HAD to find Little Timmy the perfect present. "Blech." Tsunade turned to look at me. "What was that Kakashi?" I gave her my best 'this is really boring' face. "I know you don't want to do this, Kakashi, But you're going to have to. I don't have any-one else who could do it. And besides you've been slacking on your reports, so this is to make up for all the ones you 'lost'." "Psh…" She glared at me. "Okay, Kakashi, time to start changing. Don't forget to take off your mask and replace it with the beard. Ok?" "Yes, Tsunade." As she climbed out of the changing/crawl space below the 'Santa's Village' I began to change into my extremely red Santa costume. At least it was new. No weird old man smell for me. Woohoo. -_-

I had just finished situating the hat and beard when Tsunade burst in. "You need to get your butt up here, 'Santa', all the little kiddies are waiting for you." She grabbed my arm, drug me up on the stage, and pushed me into the sleigh set up for pictures. "Oof! Okay, Tsunade, I can handle it from here. I promise." She glared at me. "You better not scar some poor kid Kakashi. Living in a nin village, they're going to have it tough enough as it is." I looked at her and shirked my sarcastic tone. "I promise. I will not hurt one of these kids. I'll listen to what they want, tell them a bunch of nice things, hand them a candy-cane, and send them on to their parents. I won't even try and get them to read my books." She smiled at me. "Thank you Kakashi. I appreciate that." Then she walked back up to her office. (We had set up the Santa's village in the mission room.) I sighed and glanced around at the hordes of kids from all across Konoha. Oh, Kami…..I was going to DIE! How did we even fit that many kids into such a small village! I struggled to sit down. "Grrrrr….stupid fat pads…." I scowled down at the offending objects. I couldn't even see my toes anymore. I finally got seated. I had so much padding on it was halfway down my thighs. "Bah-humbug!" As I was grumbling to myself the first kid came across the stage and climbed up into my lap. She looked up at me and smiled. She was all frizzy, red hair; freckles; and gap-toothed. OH, MY GOSH SHE WAS SOOO CUTE! *ahem* I mean….stupid kids….."Hello, little girl, what would you like for Christmas?" She smiled wider. "I wanna pony – No! make that a unicorn – No! I wannit to be a flying unicorn – No! Wait!– " What had I gotten myself into…?

* * *

-Iruka-

* * *

I gave an exasperated sigh. "What have I gotten myself into?" Anko squealed in glee. "This is going to be so much fun!" She grabbed my hand and started prancing up to the line that led to Santa's village. One of the children looked up at me. Oh, Kami! He was one of my students! He tilted his head and then tugged on his mother's jacket. "Mommy, look at the pretty elf lady!" She turned to look at me and sneered when she saw how I was dressed. "Hmph!" Her husband turned to see what the hubbub was about. His eyes bulged and his jaw dropped. I began to blush. I tried to explain myself but before I could the wife grabbed his ear and turned him around. She began angrily whispering to him about keeping his eyes off 'that hussy'. I sighed….at least they hadn't recognized me….

* * *

-Kakashi-

* * *

This was getting to be annoying. It was almost lunchtime and I'd had five kids cry, three of them pee on me, one kid who was in serious need of a diaper change, and at least a dozen who tried to pull off my beard. Could this day get any worse? Then up walked Raidou. "I'm the second shift Kakashi, you can go home now." I smiled my first genuine smile of the day. "Thank you so much, Raidou! And I wish you good luck!" I went to flip over the sign that said the village was open. I heard a collective "Aaaawww!" from all of the kids in line. I heard the shuffling of the line dispersing as Raidou and I started to walk back to the trap door that led to the changing rooms. Suddenly I heard Anko yell over the din of the crowd. "Oh, Santa! Do you think you could take one more person?" I sighed. I knew I shouldn't've told Anko about this stupid job. I began to turn around to talk to her. "What do you want Anko? I was just about to-" I cut myself off. Beside Anko was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen! And she was wearing a sexy elf costume. My eyes bulged at the sight. Suddenly my day was getting better. I plopped back down into the Santa chair. "Raidou, you go ahead and change into your costume, I'll be down in a minute." He chuckled and whispered under his breath. "Lucky Bastard!" So maybe telling Anko wasn't such a bad idea! "I guess one more couldn't hurt."

* * *

-Iruka-

* * *

I glanced up. *gulp* "We're finally at the front of the line…." I felt like I was about to throw up. "Anko, can I please do something else? This is so embarrassing!" She stuck her tongue out at me. "Of course not, Iruka, This is going to be too much fun." I sighed. "Oh, Kami….Please don't let me make too much of a fool of myself." All of a sudden the sign that had previously read, 'Santa's Village is receiving visitors' flipped over to read, 'Even Santa needs a break. Be back in 30 minutes.' I sighed in relief. I had at least thirty more minutes before I had to give mystery Santa a lap-dance. But then Anko had to ruin my hopes. "Oh, Santa! Do you think you could take one more person?" I turned to stare at her in horror. "Anko…you didn't!" She turned and grinned at me. "Oh, but I did!" I begged to whoever was listening up there. "Please let him say no, please let him say no, please let him say no, please let him say no-" Mystery Santa turned and started to say, "What do you want Anko? I was just about to-" I recognized that voice….Where had I heard it before? He stopped to gape at me. Oh, please don't recognize me! He plopped back down into his chair and said, "I guess one more couldn't hurt." I did my best to keep my stomach from doing nervous flips. "Shit…" My day suddenly got worse.

I steeled my nerves as best I could. I didn't want to trip on my way up the stairs. I took a deep breath and stepped up. I mumbled to myself, "Just keep breathing." _In, out, in, out, in, out...don't forget to sashay, but keep breathing..._I finally got all the way to 'Santa'. I perched on his knee and gave him my best 'sultry' look. He must have gotten over his initial shock, because he almost looked bored now. He asked me, "Have you been naughty or nice this year, Young Lady?" I lowered my voice to make it sound a little bit breathy. "Oh, Santa, I've been so naughty. I don't know if you'll give me any Christmas presents this year." I put on my best pout face. I heard a faint hitch in his breath. "How naughty have you been?" I quieted the butterflies in my stomach. It was show-time. "Here, Santa let me show you." I looked over at Anko. That was her cue to start the music. I got up from his lap and started to sway in time with the music, running my hands up and down my body as I did. Eartha Kitt began to purr out the first line of the song.

_Santa Baby, slip a sable under the tree for me._

**I did my choreographed dip. I had to look like I was putting something under the tree, sexily. I pushed my arms together to make my cleavage deeper.**

_Been an awful good girl, Santa Baby,_

**Anko threw me a 'portable' stripper pole. I looked over my shoulder and smiled at 'Santa', bent down to take the top off the box. He could see my underwear I'm sure. I began blushing at the thought.**

_So hurry down the chimney tonight._

**I jumped up to the top of the pole, hung myself upside-down, and swung myself around the pole as gravity drug me down.**

_Santa Baby, an outer-space convertible too, light blue._

**I crawled off the ground and did a quick spin with my hands above my head to make my breasts jiggle more.**

_I'll wait up for you dear, Santa Baby,_

**I gave him my best 'come hither' look I could muster and tapped my wrist like I had a watch on.**

_So hurry down the chimney tonight._

**I swung my hips in a figure eight and ran my hands down my body as I lowered my butt as near to the ground as I could get.**

_Think of the all the fun I've missed!_

**I stood back up while dragging my hand from my toe to my hip and started walking toward 'Santa'.**

_Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed!_

**I started crawling over him, gave him what I hoped was a sexy look, and just barely kissed his nose.**

_Next year I could be oh, so good._

**I slid down off of his lap (made sure my knees were on the outsides of his feet.), raked my hands up his jacket, and tossed the stuffing he had in it to Anko.**

_If you'll check off my Christmas list._

**With every syllable I tapped my finger down from his nose, to where his lips should be, to his chin, to his Adam's apple, to his collar bone, and finally to the top button of his jacket. As Eartha hissed out the remainder of the last note I pulled my finger up quickly and undid the button. His eye widened in surprise.**

_Santa Baby, I want a yacht and really that's not a lot._

**I stood back up and sauntered back to center stage, all the while I was motioning my arms like they were a boat on the ocean. (Stupid move, but it's all I could think of.) Then I shrugged my shoulders to show that a yacht 'is not a lot'. (I was running out of sexy things to do….)**

_Been an angel all year, Santa Baby,_

**I put my hands together to look like I was praying and then I blew 'Santa' a kiss and winked.**

_So hurry down the chimney tonight._

**I walked back up to the 'porta-pole' and grinded down until I was sitting on my calves.**

_Santa Honey, one thing that I really do need, the deed_

**I came back up dragging my breasts against the pole, one on either side. I could see him gulp from here.**

_to a platinum mine, Santa Honey._

**I put my hands together, squeezed my chest, and started bending over and standing back up with the beat. I was pretending to mine.**

_So hurry down the Chimney tonight._

**Figure eights and down.**

_Santa Cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex and cheques._

**I started walking toward him, winked at him again, and hopped up into his lap. He gave a muffled yelp. He was poking into my leg. I blushed a deep red.**

_Sign your 'X' on the line, Santa Cutie._

**I unbuttoned his jacket all the way and signed an 'x' with a line under it on his chest. His breath audibly hitched.**

_And hurry down the chimney tonight._

**I turned around in his lap and wiggled down until I was doing a spread-eagle on the floor all the while dragging my hand down his exposed chest as I went. I accidentally brushed against his erection. He squinched his eyes shut. I could see him tightening his jaw.**

_Come and trim my Christmas tree,_

**I stood back up, making sure to rub against him as I went, and I mimed putting ornaments on a tree.**

_with some decorations bought at Tiffany's._

**Oh, no…I had forgotten the move to that phrase. I froze. Anko motioned me to rub my hands up and down my body. I remembered now. "If in doubt, just touch yourself in some way. He'll be so horny he won't notice the difference." I ran my hands over my breasts and down to my thighs.**

_I really do believe in you; let's see if you believe in me._

**I remembered the move for this. I stared him down, pointed at him, drug my finger down his chest and across his abs, and then I pointed at my eye, back at him, and then at myself again.**

_Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring._

**I tapped my head as in forgetfulness, held up my pointer finger (waved it back and forth), and then held out my other hand and pointed to my ring finger.**

_I don't mean on the phone, Santa Baby._

**I shrugged my shoulders slightly, made a cutesy pout face, and shook my head a little bit as I held my hand up to my ear with my pinky and thumb extended. (phone shaped.)**

_So hurry down the chimney tonight._

** I ran my hand down from just behind his ear, to the side of his pectoral, down his ribs – he jumped, he was ticklish. I giggled. – down across his thigh. I heard him groan quietly.**

_Hurry down the chimney tonight._

**I took the marker out of my bra and repeated the motion on his other side with it.**

_Hurry….tonight._

**I whispered these words in sync with the music into his ear and blindly wrote my new cell-phone's number on his chest. Anko had made me memorize it before we came out tonight. I mumbled the numbers as I wrote them. "****672-451-0069."**

I looked down at his chest. I almost sighed in relief. The numbers were almost illegible, and there was no way he would remember them from me saying them one time. His visible eye took on a predatory look. His voice was husky and deep when he said, "If this is how naughty you've been all year I'm going to have to add you to my special list." I looked at him questioningly. "What special list?" My voice was very high and feminine. I had forgotten I was still in my henge. He chuckled. "My special 'save this house for last on my route's list." I didn't get it….why would he want to sa– Oh! I blushed. Anko motioned me over. I mumbled a good-bye and hopped off his lap. I was so glad this was over. I looked up from the floor. The entire stage was surrounded by bloody nosed, passed out men. I looked at Anko angrily. She grinned at me and showed me her Santa hat full of money. I grumbled. "I better get at least sixty-five percent of that!" She giggled. "Of course, Iruka, I wouldn't have it any other way!"

* * *

Chapter Three! (finally ^-^' ) sorry it took so long. Apparently I'm not going to be finished by the end of Christmas, I'm sorry. But I will do my best to be finished as soon as possible, I promise. :)

Next chapter will be Kakashi's view of The Dance it will be titled The Girl. (or something to that affect. -_-' )


	4. Ch 4 The Beauty

WARNING: There will be a lemon in later chapters! This is a guyXguy story. Don't like, don't read. Kakashi X Iruka and Iruka X Shizune will be the main pairings. Angst will happen. -_-

Summary: Anko has sizzling plans for Iruka, but will those plans interfere with Shizune's budding relationship? And what is Tsunade plotting for Christmas this year?

Disclaimer: I do NOT own "Naruto" or any of the characters within, otherwise Kakashi and Iruka would already be married and have a lovely penthouse. ^-^

-Ch. 4-

The Beauty

* * *

-Kakashi-

* * *

"I guess one more couldn't hurt." The beauty beside Anko got a terrified look on her face. She must be doing this as a bet. Anko nudged her. She immediately put on a performing face and started slowly walking up the stairs. She must not be used to heels. How old was this girl? Was I going to get in trouble with some daddy because I let his little girl do sexual things to me? I looked over at Anko. She would know what I was thinking. She had an uncanny intuition. I caught her eyes. She grinned and mouthed 'Legal'. I sighed in relief. Okay, now I could enjoy this. I looked back at the beautiful girl. She was starting to sit down in my lap. I did my best to hide my surprise by the time she turned around to face me. In my surprise I reverted back to the monotonous line that I had had to say to every child that sat in my lap. "Have you been naughty or nice this year, Young Lady?" She tensed for a moment before responding. "Oh, Santa, I've been so naughty. I don't know if you'll give me any Christmas presents this year." She was using an obviously fake pout, and was putting too much breath behind her words, but her eyes were breathtaking. My breath caught for a second. I don't usually find myself so taken by some-one so quickly. What was different about this one? "How naughty have you been?" My voice sounded lower. I was already getting aroused. Who was she? How was she doing this to me? She smiled at me. "Here, Santa, let me show you." She got up off my lap and music started.

She was bending over with the music. Oh, Kami! Her cleavage went on for miles!

Something flew threw the air. She caught it and turned with it quickly. Her back was facing me now. What did she have? She bent over. I could see her lacy pink panties. The contrast of pale pink on her sun-kissed skin was intoxicating.

She flipped up a stripper pole. She jumped to the top, hung herself upside-down – Mmm, she almost fell out of her top. –, and swung down to the ground.

She glided up and swung her arms around her head as she spun. How did she stay in her bra!

She beckoned me with her eyes and tapped her wrist. 'I'll wait up for you dear.'

She rolled her hips in time with the music. Oh…Dear…Kami…I willed myself not to get a nosebleed. She stuck her butt in the air and drug her hand from her toe up to her thigh. Was that a garter belt I saw? Shit! She was walking towards me!

She was crawling over me, one leg on either arm of the chair. I could feel the heat of her body. Before I could do anything about it, she kissed my nose. I was grateful Tsunade made me wear a beard; otherwise she would've seen me blush.

I was so glad those pillows were so long now. They were hiding the fact that I was now fully erect. She slid off of me and gave me a mischievous look. What was she- There went my cover! Oh, no. She was bound to notice! I would've blushed deeper if all my blood weren't busy somewhere else.

Phew! She hadn't noticed! She tapped my nose, my lips, my chin, Adam's apple, collar bone, and top jacket button in time with the music. What was she going to do n- She flicked her finger up and my top button flew off! I gaped. She was undressing me!

She stood back up. Her ass was in my face. It really was a nice butt. I watched it until she turned her front to me again.

She put her hands together. She winked at me and blew me a kiss. She was so sexy!

She grinded down on the stripper pole. Who was this woman? Why haven't I seen her before?

She was coming back up. Her breasts straddled the pole. Oh, Kami…I swallowed air. I had visions of me putting her skills to use elsewhere.

She 'mined'. Heh, cute.

She winked at me. Oh, she started walking towards me! Oh, oooh! She was sitting in my lap! She felt me against her. She's so cute when she blushes. Wait! That blush! I examined her chakra signature. This SHE was a HE! Iruka! He can't know it's me! I masked my chakra.

'She' unbuttoned my jacket the rest of the way. 'She' drug her finger from my right nipple to my hip – I hissed in pleasure. Did he know it was me? – then from my left nipple to my hip. – I twitched against her thigh – 'x'. Then 'she' signed a line underneath on my lower stomach. Pleasure jolted through me. My emotions conflicted. _Oh, please! Touch me! No, stop! Don't stop! _This was no longer just innocent fun.

'She' turned in my lap. Oh! 'Her' butt was touching – Oh! 'She' was wiggling down. Aah! 'Her' fingernails drug across one of my nipples and down. Down across my chest, abs, – Ah! – lower stomach – Oh, fuck! – and over my erection. 'She' blushed a deeper shade. That had been an accident.

'She' squirmed back up. I could feel every inch of 'her' as 'she' stood. 'She' bent over. 'Her' bottom was in my face. I resisted the urge to run my hands up 'her' thighs.

'She' turned. 'She' froze. 'She' glanced away and then started running 'her' hands across 'her' body. Did he find out it was me?

He hadn't. 'She' looked into my eyes as she pointed at me and then drug her finger down across my abs then lower. For some reason it didn't affect me as much. My penis was losing interest. It was going back to sleep.

'She' ran her hand down my side. I jumped. He had to know! He kept running his hand down to the inside of my thigh. Oh! Fully awakened. He just HAD to know! How could he not!

He took the marker out of the bra. He ran it down my other side and down. Mmmm…

He spoke hot breath into my ear. "Hurry….tonight." I groaned. Precum stained my costume. He was writing something on me.

More breath on my ear. "672-451-0069." I started memorizing. This wasn't the number I remembered, but maybe he got a new phone.

He looked down at his handiwork and sighed. Why did he sigh? I glanced down at the writing. It was practically illegible. Which meant either he didn't know it was a teacher he was writing on that could read illegible handwriting; and therefore didn't know it was me, or he knew it was me and was trying to hint that he was put up to this and didn't want me to call him. I internally berated myself for ever thinking he would forgive me so quickly. Oh, well. I might as well have fun with 'her' while 'she' was here.

I looked up at 'her' with what Iruka used to call my 'rape-face'. "If this is how naughty you've been all year, I'm going to have to add you to my special list." 'She' got a puzzled look. "What special list?" 'She' looked surprised. I wonder why. Maybe he did know it was me! I watched him closely as I said, "My special 'save this house for last on my route' list." He looked even more confused. He started mumbling to himself, and then gasped. "Oh!" He got it. I chuckled. He was still the same innocent Iruka, even if he was dressed up as a promiscuous elf. Anko motioned him over. His job was done. He glanced at me embarrassedly. "Good-bye" He hopped off my lap and started toward Anko. He hadn't recognized me. If he had he would have slapped me for being so forward. I sighed in defeat. "Damn! I thought for sure he recognized me." How could he not! It's not like I go around bare-faced every day! This is the only part of my face most people see!

* * *

Chapter 4! Notice the transitions from She to 'She' to He. I did that on purpose to show Kakashi's realization of who 'the girl' is.

(I'm sorry it's shorter than the other chapters, but this was the best place to stop it.) In the next chapter there will be angstyness. No real story is good without drama. Kakashi may get a little bit out of character though. (Sorry again)


	5. Ch 5 The Fight

WARNING: There will be a lemon in later chapters! This is a guyXguy story. Don't like, don't read. Kakashi X Iruka and Iruka X Shizune will be the main pairings. Angst will happen. -_-

Summary: Anko has sizzling plans for Iruka, but will those plans interfere with Shizune's budding relationship? And what is Tsunade plotting for Christmas this year?

Disclaimer: I do NOT own "Naruto" or any of the characters within, otherwise Kakashi and Iruka would already be married and have a lovely penthouse. ^-^

-Ch. 5-

The Fight

-Kakashi-

I paced around my standard apartment. (Issued to me by Konoha.) He HAD to know! No, he was definitely put up to it. He would've acted so differently if he did know. He can't have forgiven me this quickly. I did something pretty low. I sat on my bed, my face in my hands. I thought over this for a long time. Had he known? I didn't know!

I sat there in that position for hours, days, weeks, I don't know. I know I sat there until Gai came and burst through my door to challenge me to do the next silly task. Gai came through the door 'the epitome of YOUTH!' He was about to spout his latest rant when he saw me sitting on my bed with a vacant expression on my face. He rushed to my side. "What has happened now, Kakashi? Was it Iruka again? I thought you had your memories suppressed." I looked over my shoulder, away from him. "I lied. I didn't want people in my business." I was lying now. I didn't want people to worry about me. He knew I was lying. We've been friends for too long for him to buy that. "Is there anything I can do to help?" I grinned at him humorlessly. "What was your challenge, Gai?" He watched me with empathetic eyes. "I was going to suggest a race around Konoha, but that may not be advisable now." I stood up. "No, a race would leave me to my thoughts. Let's spar instead. I won't have time to think."

He gave me one last wary look and then assumed his 'youthful' stance. "THEN LET US SPAR! If I lose I must race around Konoha backwards with one-hundred more leg-weights on my legs and arms! However, if I win, YOU must call Iruka." I blanched. "Gai, I don't kno-" "I INSIST, Kakashi! You have to tell him of your continued amorous feelings of YOUTH!" He relaxed his stance and started walking me towards the door. "Besides, whatever happened between you two, I'm sure it can be mended. You just haven't found the thing to truly show the depth of your regret." I smiled at him, a genuine smile. "Thank you, Gai." We walked out of my apartment.

I was definitely going to have to win this spar. I did NOT want to have to confront Iruka yet. I caught Gai glancing at me with concern etched on his face. "Are you sure you're up to this, Kakashi? We could always spar another day." I smirked. "Afraid I'll beat you again, Gai?" He took the bait. "Ahaha! You are so HIP, Kakashi! Very well then, first blood wins the spar!" We got into our 'ready' positions. I called out, "Ready…" He grinned at me unctuously and yelled, "Set…" We jumped into the air and shouted, in unison, "FIGHT!"

I delt a kick to his shin. He punched me in the side. He can't win. I can't face Iruka yet!

-Iruka and I didn't start off well, we met through argument. I wanted to go ahead and let Team 7 go through with the Chuunin Exams, Iruka disagreed. He glared at me. "You can't let them go through with this! They aren't ready!" He turned to the Hokage. "As their former teacher I say they are not ready. Please, Hokage Sama, don't let him do this!" I was surprised. No-one had ever spoken to me like that. They all feared me.-

That is when I fell in love with him. Gai landed a hit to my jaw. I jumped backwards to soften the blow. I have to focus! Gai can't win! I ran at him. I was a flurry of hands and feet. He blocked all of my quick jabs with ease. You can't go that quickly without sacrificing the strength of the hit. I focused chakra on my hands and hit his hip. The chakra intensified the blow. He back-flipped away from me. He focused his chakra on his feet, jumped in the air, and sent a blur of kicks toward my chest. I blocked each except the last. It grazed my shoulder.

-I was sparring with Sasuke after the hearing about the Exams. He had finally gotten in a hit; he had nicked my shoulder with a kunai. Iruka walked onto the field. "Who do you think you are? I said that they aren't ready for the Exams yet, but you deliberately go against my opinion without even weighing the chances. Do you want them to die!" He gently moved Sasuke out of the way and started raining blows on me. "Is the only reason you're putting them through this is because you are tired of them? You have never had a Team this long before, right? I will find them another mentor if that is what is making you do this." Sasuke watched Iruka's tirade mutely. I merely blocked his hits. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't know any better. At that time he was only another Chuunin to me. I blocked another of his strikes for my throat. "Iruka, has it ever occurred to you, that since I have now been training them longer than you have that I know them better than you?" His blows got fiercer. "I know their limits. I know that they can handle the Exams. It's as simple as that." He aimed his fist at my head.-

I was hurtling backward! Gai had hit my jaw with a chakra infused punch. I did my best to catch myself, but I was caught off guard. My landing was messy, I strained my ankle. Gai looked at me with pseudo concern. "Are you alright, My Eternally Hip Rival?" He smirked at me. He had gotten first blood.

I had to talk to Iruka.

* * *

I opened my eyes to the blinding light of morning. "Augh!" I swung my arm to cover my eyes. "Oh, good! You're awake." I squinched my eyes open as far as they'd go in the bright light. It was Gai. We were back at my one-room apartment. "What happened?" He looked me over quizzically. "You fainted. Not so hip after all, eh Rival? Especially if a little hit like that can knock you out." I glared at him. He knew good and well that that was NOT the reason I passed out. I mumbled under my breath. "Bastard…" Gai walked around my kitchen banging pots and pans loudly as he went about making breakfast. "YOU! My (not so) Eternally Hip Rival must now call Iruka and confess his YOUTHFUL UNDYING LOVE!" I groaned and held my pillow over my ears. "Inside voice, Gai! Use your inside voice!" Gai did a pose and dropped his voice to a stage whisper.

"Go talk to Iruka, Rival! Your breakfast will be waiting." I scoffed and rolled off my couch/bed. Then it sorta hit me. How did Gai get past all of my traps to get us into my apartment. "Gai, how did you get in my apartment?" He got a surprised look on his face and looked around quickly. "But, Rival, this is MY apartment." I took a closer look around. He was right. This room was far too green to be mine. "Why did you take me back to your apartment?" He looked at me like I grew an extra head on my shoulder. "I did not wish to die just to put you in your own house." I grinned smugly at him. I really am proud of my traps. "I'm going to borrow your shower. 'K, Gai?" He returned to his cooking. "Ok, Rival. Towels are on the hanger beside the shower."

I walked to the only separate room from the rest of the apartment. I closed and locked the door, started the hot water, and began undressing. I pulled my mask and hitiate off and set them on the sink. The rest of my clothing I unceremoniously pulled off and threw on the floor. I ran my hand under the falling water. It was almost hot enough. I sat on the edge of the tub. My thoughts wandered back to Iruka.

-It was a couple of days before I could face Iruka again. He was only a lowly Chuunin and he had gotten a punch past ME! The legendary copy nin! I had to rebuild my pride. As I hid away and 'licked my wounds' I discovered something in myself. I had feelings for Iruka. I wasn't used to feeling this way about someone. It had been so long since I had let anyone close, but I liked him. And I was going to let him know!

The third day after Iruka had hit me I went to the Missions Room. I was going to confess! I walked up to his desk; I was going to tell him! I looked him in the eyes, I needed to tell him. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I stood there like a fool for a good ten minutes until…"Is there anything specific you need, Kakashi, or do you just want to stand there and stare at me?"

Before my brain could caught up my mouth spouted off, "Nothing, Iruka. I was just wondering when you were going to apologize." His eyebrows knit together in anger. "Why would I apologize to you!" Stupid mouth! I thought fast. "Because you challenged my opinion without the authority to do so, and then you punched me in the face."

His mouth dropped open in disbelief. "I have a right to an opinion, Mr. 'Legend'! And if you are as good as the stories that precede you, then I should not have been able to punch you." Kami, I wish I had kept my mouth shut. "You may have a right to an opinion, but you do not have the right to argue against my judgment. As for your punch, I was going easy on you. You're only a Chuunin."

His face started to turn red. Shit, I wish I had kept my mouth shut! "I am allowed to challenge any-one's judgment but the Hokage's, just like you are, Kakashi. And you didn't have to go easy on me. I can handle myself!" He had stood up and was pushing his index finger into my chest. Why didn't I just stay quiet? I came to tell him I like him, and I end up insulting him. I hate my stupid mouth. But I had to keep the charade going. I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. "Fine, then I challenge you to a fair rematch. I won't take it easy on you this time." He sat back down and said, "Good. Go to practice field eight at 6:30. I'll be waiting."

I walked out. That had definitely not gone as planned, but at least I had another chance to see Iruka and, possibly, explain what I was supposed to say. (If it hadn't been for my retarded, non-thinking, impulsive, egotistical, mouth.) Stupid mouth…See? This is why I keep you covered! The mask is supposed to filter. Stupid mask! Why didn't you filter? I sat down at the base of a tree on the outskirts of practice field eight. I opened my Icha Icha and faked reading.

"It's all this stupid mask's fault." "What's the mask's fault?" I looked up and in my surprise I fell over the root of the tree. It was Iruka, and he had snuck up on me. How did he sneak up on me! I was fucking Anbu! He was only a Chuunin! This made no sense. He looked at me strangely. "I did ask a question, you know?" "Oh, sorry Iruka. I was so close to finding the real cure for male pattern baldness that I didn't want to speak yet. It would interrupt my thought process." I smiled at him. I thought it was an imaginative excuse. I liked it.

"Sure, Kakashi. Let's just get this over with." Obviously he did not have the same appreciation for excuses I did. "Look, Iruka, I don't want to fight you." His face twisted in anger. What did I say? "Look, I don't need you to look out for me! I can stand up for myself. Fight me! I can take you." Oh, he thought…. But that's not what I meant! "No, no, no! I meant I don't want to fight you! Not because I'm afraid I'd hurt you, which I obviously would (I am a Jounin.), but because I didn't want a 'rematch' in the first place. When I walked in there my intentions were not to go and insult you." He fumed in anger. What had I said NOW!

"Just because you're a Jounin does NOT mean that you are automatically a better fighter than me." I looked at him incredulously. "Iruka, it kinda means exactly that. Jounin is a higher ranking, and I was promoted to Jounin very early in life. You; however, are still a Chuunin, and you are not very much younger than me."

He smirked. "Then you should have no trouble defeating me." I shrugged my shoulders and put away my book. If he had to fight me, then I might as well do it now. I got into the ready stance. He did the same. He stared me down and said, "Whenever you're ready, Oh Legend."

I aimed a punch for his gut and a kick for his soloplex. He dodged them both. I knew I shouldn't have been pulling my punches, but I was ignorant of the situation. He did some quick hand signs and I was gone.

I looked around. What is this place? It was dark, and featureless. I wasn't standing on anything that I could see. Then I turned around and Iruka was standing right behind me. "What is your greatest desire, Kakashi?" I didn't want to tell him that, I hadn't even asked him out yet.

But my mouth automatically went to form the words. I tried to stop my lips but I couldn't. I was not in control of myself. "My greatest desire is to have you as mine." He was taken aback. He had not been expecting that. "I am not an object. I will not be a possession." I answered of my own will. "Mine as in: My boy-friend, my soul-mate, my husband, my love." I hadn't meant to say so much. It seems I couldn't hide anything where-ever he had taken me. He released the genjutsu. That had been a Jounin level trick! He glanced at me embarrassedly. "I didn't know that was how you felt." I blushed. (Not that he could see it.) "Well, that was my original message for you in the missions room. Maybe not quite as many adjectives, but basically it."

"You do realize that I'm a man. I have a penis." I chuckled. "Yeah, I know you're a man." "And you still want to date me, even though I am a man?" I chuckled a little bit harder. "There is such a thing as bisexual." Well, yes, but I….uh, that is to say-"

"I am bisexual Iruka, and I like you. What do you say we start over?" He started to blush. He's so cute. "Uhm, sure." I bowed to him. "Konichiwa, I am Kakashi-kun, and I would like to take you on a date, even though you are a man."

His blush deepened. "Konichiwa, Kakashi-san." "So, will you go on a date with me, Iruka?" He glanced away. "But I am a-" "Man, I know what you are! Will you go out with me or not?" I hadn't meant to be rude, but he was being annoying. "Yes, Kakashi-san, I will go out with you, but on one condition."

"What's that?" "I get to go in henge form. I don't want to ruin your reputation, and I'm not comfortable with me, as a man, dating another man." I was a little bit baffled. "But on the inside you will still be male, so why would it matter?" "Take it or leave it, Kakashi-san." I sighed. "I'll take it."

He gave me a small smile. "Where are you going to take me, Kakashi-san?" Inside, I panicked. I had no clue! "I want it to be a surprise." He eyed me suspiciously. "I can tell a lie when I see one Kakashi." No-one else could read me so well. "Fine, I don't know yet. Give me a little time to think of something good. I promise I'll make this worth your while." "No sex." "What?" "No sex on the first date." "I honestly wasn't thinking about that, but now that you say so…" I winked at him lasciviously. He huffed in irritation and lightly hit my shoulder. "Pervert." "You brought it up!"-

I chuckled. Ah what a memory! Oh crap the tub! The water was scalding now! I sighed and turned on the cold water a little bit. I hopped into the shower and just as I pulled the curtain to Gai knocked on the door. "You're not getting out of talking to Iruka by taking a long shower, Kakashi." I laughed outright. "I got lost down memory lane, Gai. I'm not trying to stall." I could feel the sarcasm dripping off his words as he said. "Whatever you say, Rival."

* * *

So, what do you think so far? (I kinda chickened out a little on the angst. It was going to be a LOT more devastatingly sad, but I thought it was too out of character for Kakashi. Not to mention it brought religion to play, and I didn't want to tackle anything that major for my first fic.)

If you want to read the part I edited out here it is. (I took it out from just after he sat on his bed and just before Gai found him. I also changed the paragraphs following that a little, itty-bitty, bit.)

. "Kami, if you still listen to me, if you ever did, please hear me now. I know that I'm a murderer and that is wrong. I know that I am bisexual and that is frowned upon. I know that what I did to Iruka is beyond malicious. Please Kami, let him forgive me! He makes me happy. He keeps me sane. I love him. Oh, Kami, I love him." I looked toward the ceiling hoping for a sign that he was listening. Nothing. Tears fell from my eyes. "Please!" I got on my knees. "please?" I begged. "Kami, please?" I started to shake. I curled into a ball. "It's okay, Kami. You haven't heard me since Obito. I didn't really expect you to hear me now."

Let me know your thoughts on that passage and this chapter as a whole please. ^-^

Also, the shower will continue in the next chapter and he will be reminiscing over the first date.

Iruka will not stay female through-out their relationship. He is just struggling with his parents imprinted values(Not that they were ass-holes, but what parent wants their child to be that way?), his sexuality, and the morals of their society.


	6. Ch 6 The Memories

**Summary:** Anko has sizzling plans for Iruka, but will those plans interfere with Shizune's budding relationship? And what is Tsunade plotting for Christmas this year?

**-Ch. 6-**

**The Memories**

**-Kakashi-**

-I met up with Iruka at the 'Kage's building. He looked amazing! He was in a henge, like we agreed, but I could still see the implications of his true form. He had fiery, pixie-cut hair rather than his long mahogany colored mane, he was as fair as a porcelain doll instead of his usual rich caramel, he had a slight figure in lieu of his customary broad physique, and yet I knew it was him. His walk, his smile, his timidity…..all the same.

"Konichiwa, Kakashi-san." "Konichiwa, Iruka-kun." I smiled at him. "How did you know it was me?" "I like you a lot Iruka," I smiled bigger. "I would be able to recognize you no matter what form you took." He blushed. It stained his pale cheeks. I loved his blush.

He looked up at me from beneath his lashes. "So, where are we going? I assume that you have finally thought of a place." Ooo, I like 'em fiery!(*) I grinned and started walking. "You know, they say if you assume something it makes an ass out of 'u' and 'me'." He rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, Kakashi-San, but where are we going?" Just as he asked a villager saw us walking by. "Hey! Kakashi-San, who is the pretty lady with you? Are you sure she wouldn't rather come with me?" He winked. I rolled my eyes. It was all in fun. "I'm sure if he wanted to be with you he would." The villager just gave me a funny look. What had I said?

"'He'? I'm pretty sure that's a 'she' Kakashi." Oh. I looked over at Iruka and shrugged. He looked angry. "Of course I'm a 'she'! Do I look like a man to you!" He stormed off. "Look at that, our first date and I'm already in the dog-house!" The villager chuckled and shook his head. "Good luck with that one, Kakashi. I've heard what a temper red-heads have." And with that I ran after Iruka. "Iruka! Iruka, wait up!" I finally caught up with him. "Iruka, I didn't mean to. It was a simple slip of the tongue." He swung around. "That's another thing, Kakashi! Stop calling me by my real name! I'm in a henge for a reason." "What do you want me to call you then?" He looked around for inspiration.

"How about Hi no Akuma?" He had a grin like a chesire cat. "Mah, Fiery Demon doesn't quite suit you. How about Akage no Yosei? Redhead Fairy?" I smiled smugly. He rolled his eyes. "No. I'm not going around being called fairy. How about…." His eyes gleamed. He must have seen something good. "Sekkusu Koneko?" I went bug eyed. "Do you really want me to go around Konoha calling you Sex Kitten?" He smirked up at me. "No, I just wanted to see your reaction." I stopped blushing. "Well, I do like Koneko…" I grinned his way. "How about it Koneko-Sensei?" He blushed and looked at his toes. "You make it sound so dirty Kakashi-San." I chuckled. "Just Kakashi will do nicely." He glanced up at me shyly. "How about Utsukushii Ningyo?" I looked at him puzzled. "Lovely Mermaid? Why?" He smiled. "It's closer to my actual name." "How?" "They're both sea creatures." I looked down at him and grinned. "Ningyo-Sensei it is!"

He beamed and we continued walking. "So, Kakashi-Sa-, Kakashi, are you going to tell me where we are going or-" "We're here!" He looked around. "Where exactly is here?" "Why here, My Dear, is the Steer, Beer, and Brassieres!" His face fell. "You have got to be kidding me." I smiled widely at him. "Nope!" He looked positively sick. "For our first date you are taking me to a nudie steak house and bar." My smile brightened. "Yes, sir! Erm, Ma'am! It's a very popular chain of steak-houses from the U.S." 'n.n' He looked pale. "Oh….My….Kami….."

We walked into the - ehehe - restaurant. The hostess was dressed in a skimpy, black, sequin dress. She looked up from her reservation book. She smiled at us. "Hello, and welcome to Steer, Beer, and Brassieres. Do you have a reservation?" I pointed at my hitiate. "I'm a ninja, doesn't that count for something?" Her smile became strained. "No, sir. I'm sorry, but you must have a reservation." I grinned mischievously. "Then look under Hatake. It should say 'Party of Two'."

She looked at her book and her smile got more strained. "I didn't realize we had a prankster among us. Good one Mr. Hatake. If you would please follow Kyandi. I started snickering. Iruka had a curious look on his face. "What are you laughing at?" My eyes started watering from laughing so hard. "Candy. It's a very popular stripper name." He still looked confused. "But why are you laughing so hard?" "I don't know! Go and be seated Iru- Ningyo. I'll be right back." I headed towards the bathrooms. I ran in and locked the door. "Get ahold of yourself, Kakashi! It's just another date! –But it's not just another date! You really like Iruka.– But you don't have to freak out over it. Be cool! Be cool."

I unlocked the door and walked to our table. It was a sunken booth. (Which means they dug about five inches into the foundation.) It was a marble topped table with a pole driven through it. The table was three times as wide as a normal table with a long ruffle around the out-skirts to give the 'spectators' a little privacy if they wanted to do something other than eat with their hands. I had reserved that solitary booth along with the two best dancers in the house. (Josei and Otoko.)

Iruka looked nervous. "This isn't exactly what I was expecting for a first date, but I know this place isn't cheap. Even to get one of the 'bad tables'. How could you afford to get us the V.I.P. table?" I smirked. "I have ways my dear mermaid." He looked at me skeptically. "You didn't sleep with the owner to get these seats, did you?" I chuckled. "Not the owner, no." He blanched. -And he had just regained his color, too. Oh, well. He'll blush enough later. It'll balance out.-"Then who did you sleep with?" I slid in beside him. "The manager. You know her. I think you've slept with her too." He looked at me agape.

"I did not!" "Oh, really? Well, then I'll have to tell Anko that she's a dirty, rotten, liar." I looked down at where his penis would have been. "And a bitch for getting my hopes up so high about your endowment." His blush returned full force. "She told you about that? Wait! Anko is the manager!" I grinned. "Yep! She lets me in whenever I want. I get free food too. The strippers; however, cost me a bit." His blush-stained cheeks got redder. "St-st-strippers?" "Yep, strippers. Look, here comes our waitress." He grabbed my hand in a death grip. "Kakashi, I'm really not comfortable with this." "Relax, Ningyo. It'll be ok. And if by the end of the evening if you haven't had a good time then you don't ever have to go out with me again. Ok?" The waitress sauntered up to our table in the naughty school-girl uniform. "What can I get for ya'll?" She obviously wasn't Japanese.

"I want a filet-mignon medium rare wrapped with chewy bacon, fuji apples, and sweet potato fries. What do you want Ningyo?" He swallowed hard. His gaze was stuck on her 'endowments'. I grinned and ordered for him. "Get her a sample platter of the appetizers." She grinned. "Which ones?" I thought about it. "Just get all of them. I'll want some too." Iruka had a blush so red you could signal planes with it. "She never been in a strip club before?" I grinned and shook my head. "This is our first date too." Her eyes lit up. "Oh! So this is a very special occasion for ya'll! I'll be sure to set something real nice up. Special, just for ya'll." As she walked away Iruka's eyes moved to her other endowment. His blush intensified. "Be careful, Ningyo, or you may just have a girl come home with you tonight."

He looked up at me. His eyes were slightly glazed. He got that worked up over her? Don't get me wrong, she's beautiful, but that accent could really get on your nerves quick. Without thinking I quipped. "What's so special about her?" His gaze immediately became lucid. "It wasn't so much her as her outfit." He blushed again. I love that blush. "What about it?" I asked. "I was imagining it on some-one else and I rather liked the way it looked."

I grinned devilishly. "Would that some-one happen to be me?" He smiled coyly. "Maybe…" He looked up at me and leaned in. I had just closed my eyes and was about to kiss him when- "Here's ya'll's order! Fresh and pipin' hot! I didn't know what ya'll woulda wanted to drink so I got ya'll some Strawberry Stormy. On the house a course." I glared up at her. "Thanks. What exactly is Strawberry Stormy?" She continued as if I hadn't wished her and her stupid accent would die. "Strawberry Stormy is the house special beverage tonight. It's a strawberry drink, a lil' bit of kiwi, and a whole lot of Captain Morgan to loosen ya'll up a bit." She beamed. "Is there anything else I can get for you before your dancers come on-stage?"

I looked over at Iruka. "Nope, nothing else. Thank you." She smiled, turned and pulled a little microphone out of her bra. "Folks, I want all of ya'll to give this couple a good luck done right! This is their first date! On the count of three I want ya'll to yell 'Yee-Haw!' Are ya'll ready? Okay! One…Two…Three! YEE-HAW! That was great ya'll, now if the dancin' gals and guys will all come over here to give them their free lap dances we'll be doin' good! One more time! One, two, three! YEE-HAW! Whoo! Ya'll have been great! Let's give a round of applause to these good-natured folks." She turned back towards us winked and sauntered off.

As she walked off all of the strippers came up and did a impromptu orgy dance. It was all naked bodies and the smell of steak. Oh, Kami, my steak is done! I dove into my steak. When the dancers realized I wasn't interested they left. I turned from my steak long enough to look at Iruka. His hair was mussed and he looked delectable. I leaned in. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" He was as red as a tomato. "I think I just got raped." I laughed. "Mah, you weren't raped. Just molested." He looked over at me. "I felt penis on me." I laughed a little harder. "Yes, that usually happens when you get a lap-dance from a guy." He looked my way and smiled impishly. "Show me."

I choked on the bite of food I was eating. "What!" "Give me a lap-dance, Oh, Pervy-Sensei." I grinned. He wanted to play? Ok. I'll play. I took the fork out of his hand and put it on the table. "Get comfortable." He looked anything but. I leaned over to whisper in his ear. He visibly tensed as I got closer to him. "Relax, Iruka, I'm not going to do anything tonight that you don't want me to." He calmed. "But I want you to." I felt a familiar heat settle in my stomach.

I kissed him lightly on the nose and started dancing with the ambience music. I put one knee on either side of his thighs, one hand on the table (to support me) and started thrusting in time with the music. With my other hand I started stripping off my vest, then my sweater. His pale cheeks tinged pink and his eyes widened. I ground my way down.

When I was squatting in front of his knees I started running my hands up his thighs. I could hear his breathing getting shallower. I turned over and ground my way back up. One foot was on the bench and the other was on the floor. I could get closer that way. I started thrusting in time with the music again, just barely brushing against his core with every pump. His breath hitched. He was so wet, already!

Just then I heard some-one clear their throat behind me. "Well we were coming to dance for you, but I can see some-one got started with-out us." I turned to see Josei and Otoko smiling knowingly. Otoko winked at me. "You've got some talent! Why aren't you a dancer?" I composed myself. "Because I only do private dances for one." I motioned to Iruka with my eye. "This girl is that one." Josei grinned lasciviously. "Too bad. I would've liked to have you as my Christmas gift." Otoko smiled at us. "Tell you what, since you were having so much fun without us we'll let you have a room instead of giving you a dance. Is that good for you?" I looked to Iruka. It was up to him how fast this went. He took a BIG gulp of his Strawberry Stormy and slurred out, "That wouhld be woooonderfuhlll!" My mouth dropped. "Iru—uhm…Ningyo, are you sure?" He looked at me with glazed eyes and a lazy smile. "Shure Ah'm Shure!"

I looked back to talk to the dancers, and they were gone! In their place was a shiny gold key with the words 'pent-house suite' on the key-chain. I looked back at Iruka. "I wonder where this key goes?" "Well, Silly! Steer, Beer and Brassieres has a hotel built on top of it! That key there is to the suite on the top floor. The elevator is over there." The waitress was back. "Are ya'll finished with your food or would you like to have it brung up to your room?" I glanced around. Most of it had been forgotten. I didn't want it to all go to waste. "Put it all in the fridge in our room. Oh, and bring us some extra orders of Strawberry Stormy." She grinned. "Rodger, dodger! The elevators are over that way."

I looked over at Iruka. He giggled and got on top of me. "Want to take this some-where a little more private, Ka-ka-shi – Sen-sei?" With every syllable of my name he kissed or nipped a different part of my neck. I groaned softly and felt my-self harden. What had I gotten myself into!

* * *

Sorry it's been so long! I know you guys really wanted it before now. I've just been so busy! I'm trying to start college, and it's proving more difficult than I thought.

But, enough about me. Any-body that can tell me what Josei and Otoko mean in English (without going to a translator XP) gets a magical rain-bow cookie!

(*)Who-ever can tell me what this is referenced from gets not one, but TWO magical rain-bow cookies AND a pet Fancy Prance Unicorn ABSOLUTELY FREE! That's right! ABSOLUTELY FREE!

(p.s.-Fancy Prance Unicorn is a trade-mark of Catscratch. I am not liable nor responsible for the awesomness that is the Fancy Prance Unicorn song.)

Steer, Beer, and Brassieres is a made up place. I based it off of the quintessential male fantasy of what the perfect restaurant would be. Strawberry Stormy; however, is a real drink! I tried it at Logan's, and it is DELICIOUS! I love, love, LOVE it!


End file.
